I am Not Stupid Just Because I am Not 18 Yet

As a 17 year-old college freshman struggling to find my place at my university, I decided to take to the internet to read the experiences and reflections of previous college freshman.

While all described the usual up’s and down’s, loneliness, friendships, and workload, some key things people LOVED about college really bothered me. Here are some of those luxuries described: choice, freedom, practical skills, work ethic, motivation, diversity of opinion/living/culture, etc. I feel I had all those luxuries before college, so why does no one else?

For one, I do believe most teenagers are lazy and unmotivated, and that is their own fault. I know because I was not one of those teenagers. However, the point is, some things people say are only offered in college are actually offered in high school and earlier, except people only choose to recognize and take advantage of them in college. Is that to say the school system is perfect? No. In fact, as I compare my pre-college school experience to those of others, I realize how deprived so many people are. Schools seem to think teenagers should not have access to practical skills, choice, diversity?

It may seem as though I am blaming schools for people’s challenging college experiences or life skill deprivation, but I am not. I am blaming society for treating minors as though we are 1 year-olds still learning how to speak. What do people think–that as soon as my 18th birthday hits, I am a changed person–an intellectual and proud asset to society? Well, maybe I am. But that transformation does not happen overnight. It starts early on. High school is probably the best time to provide students with some of the perks college students have. I think motivation would come naturally with those perks, and may even stimulate more of an interest in students to further their education.

How this would happen is a mystery to me, but I think it is something to think about.

Kids are smarter than adults think they are. So give them the opportunity to prove it.


Death Death Death

Death does not scare me. And I am not just saying that. I just do not think about it. And why should I? It is inevitable, so why worry about it? Since I am an Atheist, I believe nothing happens after a person dies. Some people ask me, then, if I believe that I will see darkness (I assume they mean blackness, like if you were to shut the door while inside a closet) after I die. Obviously they do not understand what ‘nothing’ means. No. I do not believe I will see darkness. I will not see a black hole hole, space, hell, dead people. I will not see ANYTHING because I WILL NOT EXIST. It is hard to wrap your head around that concept, but I like to think that, through my perspective, nothing happened before I was born. I do not remember anything before I was born because I did not experience anything before I was born because I did not exist. It is the same when you die, I imagine. There is no pain after death; no happiness either. It all just ends. You are not alive anymore. Others live on–they feel, see, experience–but you do not. This is not sad, though. It is only sad if you think about it while you still have thoughts and feelings and breath. But people cannot seem to face an end, a real one. The result? Religion (by the way, Atheism is NOT a religion). As long as you define your own life and your own purpose, you will not need nor want religion because you will have your purpose to work/live for. Focus on pleasing yourself in your “earthly life,” because I believe there is no such thing as an afterlife.


(I wrote this on a plane about 4 months ago in response to a book I read where death was mentioned. It is unedited.)

Lessons I Learned From My Grandma

  1. It is healthy to poop at least once every day.
  2. If you drink water in sips, you will not have to pee.
  3. Always stir flour in with the mix before mixing in the mixer; otherwise flour will get flung all around the kitchen.
  4. When you are frustrated with your husband, call him a sleazebag–even though you have no idea what that means or where you got that word.
  5. Your riding boots should be somewhat roomy because feet swell in heat.
  6. It is possible to get sunburned through your jeans.
  7. Something even more sentimental than a greeting card is a handmade greeting card.
  8. Experiences are worth more than gifts.
  9. Get rid of your first pair of shoes and weight set you no longer use because your grandchildren will not want them. (Do not be a pack rat.)
  10. History is important because it defines the world today.
  11. Do not stop trying something new.
  12. You are never too old to ride a horse or ski down a mountain.
  13. Keep in touch with friends you make at all points of your life because relationships are important.
  14. Do not point out the obvious–it is annoying.
  15. The elderly tend to interpret play fighting as real fighting.
  16. Do not keep used tissues in your pockets–it is disgusting.
  17. If you physically can, exercise every day.
  18. Describing every detail of an event to someone will put him/her to sleep.
  19. Know your limits and do not ignore them.
  20. Do not stop living life until you no longer can.

Why Gift-Giving is Superficial

I like gift-giving. In fact, gift-giving is one of the ways people can tell I really care about them because I must like the person enough to think about them outside of our usual meeting place, spot something he/she might like, and buy it for him/her. Also, the look on his/her face after I present the gift is priceless. Surprise gifts rock!

Here is what I do not like: gift-giving on holidays. Why? Because even if I do not like you at all, if we normally hang out and it is your birthday, I feel obligated to buy you something. Now, of course, I could just not buy you something, but ‘houston, we have a problem’ ’cause you are going to notice and get offended and then try to guilt trip me into buying you something. On the other hand, if I do not like you and I still buy you a gift, yes, you may be satisfied, but I did not willingly think about you outside of our usual meeting place and feel the desire to buy you something. In other words, the gift means nothing to me.

Does anyone else have the same problem?

I am tired of buying gifts because I have to, because people expect them. It defeats the whole purpose of gift-giving. And it makes me like you even less.


Smart vs. Knowledgeable People

At my school, there is an award ceremony that happens once a year that is valued by the administrators in my district. Each teacher chooses two students out of all their students in all their periods and nominate them after the first semester of the school year. The award ceremony happens towards the end of the school year (end of second semester), where all the finalists are recognized and the teacher-voted winner is announced.

I was a finalist for the science award my freshman year (I did not win). At the time, I had no idea what the award ceremony was; I just showed up and went home, feeling proud of my nomination. I have not been nominated since.

At first, I looked up to the award-winners, as did everyone else. Not anymore.

What I realized soon after the award ceremony–after my proudness disintegrated into normality–was that the only reason my science teacher nominated me was because I had the highest grade not only in my period, but in all my teacher’s periods–and that bothered me. Honestly, I barely tried in that class. I did not have to. The information came easy to me because I loved the subject. I wondered how many other people were in the same situation.

Then I realized that almost everyone–if not everyone–that won an award was a senior. How unfair is it to grant an award to a senior just because they are a senior? What if someone younger than them deserved it more? Of course, I cannot say for certain that those seniors did not deserve their awards–but is it coincidence that all the winners were seniors? I think not.

People in my school greatly respect those awards, but I do not understand it. Who knows how many of the finalists/winners cheated to receive their As? (Yes, sparknotes is cheating!) I have the privilege of attending one of the best high schools in the nation, and even in my honors and AP classes, there are PLENTY of cheaters! And to think they get awarded for cheating! Sure, they may have the numbers, but do they have the brains? They may be smart, but are they knowledgeable?

“Smart” is thrown around to refer to people who receive high academic scores. But what does the word even mean? When I think of the word “smart,” I think of “book smart” and “street smart” and combine them to make a person whom has both abilities. I see “knowledgeable” more as what people define as “smart” (just knowing the knowledge but not being able to apply it). All my friends see my definitions oppositely; either way, one is superficial and one is comprehensive. After all, your intelligence means nothing unless you can use it.

And so, those awards mean literally nothing to me. I do not feel bad for not being nominated after freshman year. I also do not feel proud of or happy for my nominated friends and peers. People need to learn that “smart” and “knowledgeable” are two different terms, and I only want to be labeled one of them.




My Opinion on Veganism

Let me start off by disclaiming that I am a non-vegan.

Carnivore, meat-eater, animal-killer–whatever floats your boat.

I like meat and I do not plan to stop eating it; however, I have thought about the issues surrounding eating meat many times before.

I may not like animals, but I am against killing them off. When I confronted my mom about the morality of eating meat, she gave me a religious response: God created animals for humans to eat. This held me off for a while, but at 14 when I became non-religious, I got to wondering again…

Here are the reasons I have collected for why eating meat is justified:

  • Animals eat animals–it is part of the food chain–so eating meat is a natural part of life (and it is scientifically proven that natural foods are healthier for you than processed; after all, humans are meant to eat natural foods)
  • People that do not eat meat look unhealthy (a lot of times you can identify how healthy someone is just by looking at them)
  • It provides the human body with necessary nutrients by natural foods rather than processed supplements


I understand that eating meat harms the environment, kills off animals, etc. Regardless, I choose to eat meat. There are much worse environmental harms to worry about than meat! The only reason people bring it up is the moral aspect of it, and now they try to use science to contradict itself. Well, nice try, but I am not falling for it! (Also, please keep in mind that just because I do not support veganism for my individual self does not mean that I support harming the environment–I may be a tiny contributor, but I, honestly, do not believe that eating meat is a major harm.)

Some people believe the wealthy have an obligation to become vegan in order to use their money for good (because going vegan is costly!). I can understand the word ‘responsibility’ because I see it as more of a ‘should but can choose not to’ word, but ‘OBLIGATION?’ ARE YOU KIDDING?! What happened to the ‘leave them alone; they can do whatever they want; it’s their lives; it doesn’t affect you’ attitude that is so popular nowadays? I understand that vegans become vegans for a cause they passionately support, but this is like politics, and in politics you cannot force someone to join your political party. The wealthy have the right to spend their money, service, and time however they want to–just like everyone else. With some exceptions, people earn their money. As a result, they get to decide where their money goes.

Veganism is supposed to be a team effort, necessary to achieve change. With people so passionate about the cause and the cause needing the world’s support, it makes sense that vegans think everyone should become vegan and are trying to convert them. Unfortunately, what they fail to realize is that humans are not two-dimensional. We are not robots. We are not copies with one-track minds. We are people, three-dimensional with defined personalities that hold a variety of beliefs, values, opinions. And there are a lot of people. A lot. So, hopefully it is evident that convincing every single person on planet Earth–that is 7.3 BILLION people, by the way–to believe in one cause is not practical and not possible. So stop it. Stop trying to convert people by shaming them and ambushing them, and stop with the YouTube videos titled ‘Why Everyone Will Be Vegan.’ The world is not horrible, but that is not going to happen.


I am not against veganism in general, just for myself. I personally do not believe in it. However, I love to see people banding together for something they believe in. What I do not love is the pressure by vegans to become vegan. Please respectfully share your opinion, but leave out the pressure on others.


How to Get Over a Crush (w/ Video Accompaniment)

Getting over a crush is one of the hardest parts of life! Ahh! And the worst part is it seems so simple in theory, but when you are actually putting that theory into effect, it becomes near impossible. So, we gotta clarify some steps for ourselves. Here are the ones that have worked for me:

  1. You have to WANT to get over your crush/Be MOTIVATED
  2. Allow yourself to be sad/Let out your feelings
  3. Know in advance that this process takes time
  4. Cut out all contact with your crush–online and in person  (exception for friend/crush-relationships!)
  5. Make a list of cons
  6. Keep your mind busy/train your mind to stop thinking about your crush
  7. Do NOT talk about your crush with ANYONE–INCLUDING BEST FRIENDS
  8. Be aware that you do NOT transfer your feelings onto someone else


For further clarification on any or all points, watch my video below:

Was this helpful? Do you have any other tips? Thank you for your time!

The Best Advice I Have Ever Been Given

“Choose none of them.”

I stood there, awestruck. Never in my life had I thought that choosing not to choose was an option. Maybe it was bad advice. After all, it was from a stranger whom does not have the acumen necessary to properly analyze my sticky situation. On the other hand, maybe I should listen anyway. After all, choosing them has not worked so far.

The little voice in my head stayed silent in this moment. Thank Satan it did.

I spent my childhood angry and in acrimony yet confused and sensitive. I longed for attention, specifically from my family. Instead, I received attention from the friends I never wanted. We–my clique–had so many problems that my sixth grade teacher arranged for us all to attend a counseling session every single day at lunch, together, and we were banned from playing Truth or Dare.  Apocryphal and restless, I felt trapped.  

Fast forward to middle school. On a sunny day with a blue sky, everything was peaches and cream until only one girl from my friend group showed up to our lunch spot. My intuition drove me solo around the campus, where I found it to be spot on. My friends split into groups of two and integrated themselves into new cliques–and all because of the one girl in our group that sat with me! I felt relieved I was not the one they decided they hated today; however, all relief went out the window as each pair told me I was to choose between all of them.

I was terrified. I wanted to please everyone, but this time it was impossible. In the end, it was the hated girl’s friend who I had never met before, who enlightened me.

Who should I choose?

“Choose none of them,” she suggested.

So I did. Not long before, I met a girl named Claudia Book through a mutual friend. I did not know her well, but had confided in her with my friend troubles in which she responded by offering her friend group to me as an alternative. Albeit I appreciated her offer, I never thought I would take her up on it.

Joining Claudia’s circle was weird…I only knew her out of the ten girls there and I did not know what to do with myself without the usual animalistic chaos. Regardless, every single person welcomed me. I gazed at their backs, a mighty fortress, lined up one-by-one, against the blue lockers as I faced them every day. It took months, but, eventually, I sat there with them.

Though I liked all of them, Claudia was my favorite. Of course I appreciated her humanity, but the real reason was because I envied her. She was happy, confident, beautiful, funny. There was something intriguing and charismatic about her. She would make stupid noises like a child one second, then provide me with adult advice the next.

Regardless of my drooling and her perfection, I never wanted to be her. I wanted to embody her, in my own way. As terrible as this sounds, Claudia pushed me to be the person I am today–I would complain about something that was worrying me and she would ask, “how does it have anything to do with you?”; I would ask her if I should buy that pink blouse with Cherry Blossoms on it and the cool cutout in the back, and she would demand I do it so as to explore and mature my style–and I could not be more grateful.

As much as I love to gush about all the useful advice Claudia has given me, it was not really her advice that transformed me. In fact, it was her beautiful aura. Watching her laugh, inform, obsess, opinionate, walk, talk, write, work, anger, question, live, I learned how to be myself. I found the things I liked in her and made them my own. Talk about visual learning–jeez!

Today, I annoy all my close friends with the story of how Claudia changed me for the better. She once embodied everything I wanted to be, and all it took was her presence to abrogate my anger. Whenever I start to lose myself, I think of the stability she projected out into space, and know I can regain mine. By choosing Claudia Book that day in middle school, I opened myself up to a world of possibilities. So, when life hands you a ‘book,’ open it.

I titled this post before writing anything down on this page. Some days later, in my english class, my teacher had us model a paper after https://www.magzter.com/article/Fashion/ELLE/This-Dress-Will-Change-Everything and fill in the title as ‘This ______ Will Change Everything.’ I filled in the blank with the word ‘girl.’ Originally, I was going to write this post in my straight-forward, pedestrian way and focus more on the advice than on my best friend; but, the significance of this story is me meeting my best friend and improving myself–even though I always refer to this story for the best advice I have ever been given–and I think this paper embodies that. What is the best advice you have ever been given and how has it affected you? Thank you for your time!

Touchy Subjects And Why I REFUSE To Avoid Them

“He’s acting like a special needs kid,” I said, laughing.

“Don’t joke about that. That’s not funny.”

I disagree–BUT DO NOT HATE ME JUST YET. Hear me out.

Before I discuss this topic specifically, let me talk about it generally. There are many touchy subjects, such as special needs kids, racism, etc. The reason they are touchy is because people do not fully understand them. For example, if I stated, “My friend, [insert name here], is black,” the response I almost always get is “That is racist!” But it is not racist. Racism means pegging someone as inferior to you because of their race, but using “black” as a descriptor is not racist. The two uses are very different but commonly get mixed up. This directly correlates to what I said today: “He’s acting like a special needs kid.” I do not see this statement as wrong because the guy whom I was laughing with (he was making weird noises as a joke, enjoying the attention) is not a special needs kid. Let me repeat that: he is not a special needs kid. If I witnessed a special needs kid making the same noises, I would not have laughed, because they cannot control it. But since the guy I made the joke about purposefully made those weird noises, I laughed. I do not see what I said as offensive because I know my intentions and anyone who knows me would know what I meant. Plus, I laugh at weird noises all the time. It is part of my sense of humor–more specifically, my immature side.

I explained my point of view to a friend, whom agreed with me. What really eats at me is I never got to explain myself to my other friend whom was appalled by my words. Of course, I never meant to offend anyone and I never meant to be rude; however, our society needs to stop tiptoeing around touchy subjects. I am tired of being called racist for describing my friend a certain way, so I am doing something about it. I am truly sorry if I offended anyone with what I said, but I am not sorry for saying it.

On the topic of speaking out, Avril Lavigne is my role model not only as an artist and fashion icon, but as a person. Why? I am drawn to her confidence. To develop my own confidence, in 7th grade, I admired my best friend for hers. I continue to look up to people with their kind of confidence. For instance, I was watching a documentary about Avril Lavigne two or three nights ago and watched her get excited when she read the words off of fan art that read, “You say what you feel and you’re not afraid to say it.” I want someone to say that about me. Something in those words is just so powerful. Avril Lavigne has said and done things other people have strongly disagreed with–my parents are no exception–but I love that she did and said everything she did and did not back down. Those touchy things she did and said she did not see as wrong (for the record, I do not see them as wrong either) and did not lose confidence when the world turned on her. I strive to imitate her confidence.

Also, anyone that has been around people where you feel as if you have to hold your tongue, knows that it stinks. Why should we back down from how we feel and think? Even if something you think is wrong, it is better to put it out in the open than to keep it inside, burning you until you burst. I used to be horribly shy–for most of my life, actually–so I have a first-hand experience on keeping my mouth shut. When I finally gained confidence in myself, I did not want to stop sharing myself with everyone. But I did not have to develop high self-esteem to figure out that not everyone is going to agree with you. If you completely disagree with the comment I made towards the guy who made a joke in my class, know that I respect your opinion. In addition, as I wrote earlier, I apologize for any offense I gave. But I will never again be afraid to speak my mind. Sometimes I choose to not say anything; this does not change my opinion or my character. Most of the time I am just tired and do not want to speak up. But if someone were to ask my opinion, I would not hesitate to give it. My opinion is my opinion and you do not have to agree with it, but I am not going to change mine because you think your opinion is right and no one else’s can differ with yours.

I strongly encourage every individual to reach a place of peace within themselves so that they can say what they feel and not be afraid to say it. Do not back down if someone disagrees with you. Definitely explain yourself if you have the chance and/or want to, and even ask the person why they disagree. But do not apologize for how you feel or how you think. These are things out of your control.

I am not sorry for what I said. If I were to go back to two hours ago when I said it, I would say it again. And I will continue to speak my mind without care for the judgement of others. I hope you can understand or at least respect my opinion.

What do you think of touchy subjects? Do you agree with what I said? Do you agree with my argument? How do you feel about having to hold your tongue when with certain people? Please agree or disagree with anything I said respectfully. Thank you for your time.

Why I Deleted All My Social Media–The TRUTH

On Friday, August 26th, 2016–after battling myself for at least a year–I decided I was going to delete all my social media accounts. I posted on my instagram account, letting my friends know of my decision and of alternate ways to contact me. Three days later I followed through. Immediately that Monday (the I deleted my accounts but before I had done so), I had two of my peers address the topic and even–super surprisingly–praise me for my decision. Four days later, another peer addressed me on the issue. I was completely caught off guard by the small amount of attention I got, for it was a lot for me. Also, I thought no one cared. That is why when I was asked why I deleted all my accounts, all I could come up with was “They were annoying.” Albeit true, that statement does not even begin to sum up the reasons why I took to killing my electronic self. I feel like I deprived each individual who took to asking me of my motives, so this is for them. Here are all the reasons I decided to delete all my social media:
1) Posting annoyances
Personally, I think Instagram posts should show the person whose account it is, who they are with, and what they are doing. As a result, scrolling through my feed and only seeing selfies, food, scenery, ect. really ticked me off.  In addition, I hate when people post more than twice a day or post nothing in 6 months. Why do you have an instagram account if you never post? But, also, no one cares THAT much about your life so keep to vlogging on your snapchat story and leave instagram for more of a recap of your day. Unfortunately for me, I refuse to tell people how to run their personal social media accounts, so I left.
2) Unspoken rules/obligations
These include having to post a certain amount of times, having to like people’s posts or follow them because I do not want them to be mad at me, etc. It is just stupid.
3) Unavoidable, ridiculous  standards
The big one that stands out to me is you feel bad if you do not have a certain amount of likes on a photo. People will literally do whatever it takes to get more likes–even reposting at a more active time (like 6PM) and then tell people in their caption that they “accidentally” deleted that picture and that is why they are reposting.
***4) EVERYONE has one
This was where I connected with literally everyone I knew, including my friends that do not live in my state. I was scared that my friends would not contact me after I deleted my instagram because I always tell people to email me and they never do. However, I decided that if they are not going to spend 5 minutes sending me an email, then I do not want to waste my time on them anymore.
1) Almost NO ONE has one
This is self-explanatory. It is not fun when no one is there.
2) Spam
It is tiring when people post too much and then it takes me forever to look up all the other posts on my feed because they are taking up the entire thing.
3) Random Porn/Advertisments
This was just disturbing and annoying. It had to stop.
4) People who voice their opinions on something they have no business talking about
1) Those IDIOTIC filters
Bottom line is I think they are stupid.
2) Selfies/other annoying posts
I just cannot stand them.
4) People always use it to make others feel bad
You know what I mean: snapchat stories of friends hanging out and you were not invited
1) No one has one
2) Boring
3) People forgot what 6 vs. 30 seconds looks like
If you have an account then you know what I mean.
1) No one has one
2) Boring
1) Distractions
People cannot seem to keep their mouths shut and I do not need to witness it.
Nevertheless, I use my email all the time and I still have a youtube account (just to subscribe to channels) as well as a Pinterest (just to look up DIYs, outfit ideas, and dorm stuff–but I still barely use it).
So those are the reasons I deleted all my social media accounts. Hopefully, it made some sense. Anyway, feel free to email me by filling out the form in the contact tab of this site and let me know what you would like me to write about in the future. Thank you for your time!