You Do It To Yourself | RANT

So, you just got hurt again. You are torn, and all you can think is “why do I have such bad luck?” Then, you blame the people you associated yourself with for hurting you and praise yourself for recognizing how toxic they were and cutting them from your life. Most people would give you sympathy, but I cannot help but think, “how many times do you have to learn the same lesson to get it?”

Of course, you have to make mistakes so that you can learn from them. But if you never learn from your mistake, you will keep making the same mistake over and over–and it does not help when you do not take responsibility for your mistake, either!

I am writing about this topic because I see it everywhere and I am sick of it. I want to help people stop making the same mistake, so if this situation applies to you, get ready for some straight-forward, hard-to-hear advice:

There is no “everything happens for a reason” trash. If you genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason, you are naive. There are unexplained traumatic events that you will experience, and telling yourself it happened for a reason is only going to cause you to avoid the real pain and other emotions you are experiencing. You will never move past your mistake by thinking you had nothing to do with it and then moving on. Face it once and take precautions so that it does not happen again.

“Do not try to grow up too fast because you do not want to grow up“–why? People say this all the time. I do not get it. I understand the first part, about living in the moment by enjoying the age you are now; what I do not understand is why people look negatively upon growing up. Are you so lazy that working to pay bills and taking initiative to create a social life for yourself is not worth the independence, leisure, and responsibility that comes with being an adult? Being grown up does not mean you are stressed and drink all the time and blah blah blah. If the life you are living does not satisfy you, change it. Stop freaking kids out about getting older. 

You do not have bad luck with friends; you choose the same bad people to make friends with. I heavily recommend daily self-reflection. Sometimes you do have bad luck, but a lot of the time, you bring it onto yourself. I had the same problem in elementary school and the beginning of middle school, but once I realized I have the power to choose friends who are positive influences on me, my life became much happier. I have never had problems with friends since. But, see, if I had waited for my friends to leave me and had not recognized the part I played in the relationship, I would have made new friends who were just as horrible or worse. I know it is hard to hear, but you have to take self-responsibility. If you think it would be helpful, give an objective source the details and ask him/her to give you his/her opinion. It can be beneficial to have an outside view when the inside view is blurred. However, whether or not you reach out to outside help, you have to be the one willing to be honest with yourself. Is this not your fault? Or is it? What went wrong? How can you fix it? Just make sure that after you get out of something bad, you figure out what to do to prevent the same bad situation from happening in the future. (Ex.s Do not be so quick to trust, create standards all your friends have to meet, etc.)

The fact that you read this whole post says a lot of good things about you. So go take initiative to improve your relationships!

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